Communicate clearly and constructively with your family. 

One afternoon I sat down at the kitchen table with my husband and grade-school children and visually illustrated the reality of our family life.  On a big piece of paper, I drew a large circle in the middle with four small circles around it. The large circle represented the corporate life of our family.  In it I listed the tasks required to keep a home and family operating: cleaning, grocery shopping, carpooling, administrative details, etc.  The small circles represented the individual interests for each family member: friendships, meaningful work, ministry, education, recreation, etc. 

One by one, I filled the small circles with the personal activities of each person’s life.  But when I came to my small circle, it was empty.  I explained that I was so consumed with the responsibilities of our corporate life as a family and with helping each of them keep their little circles going, that I had no time to squeeze anything personal into my little circle. “I don’t think this is fair,” I said.  “I deserve a little circle too.” 

Both Bill and the kids realized that we had to re-negotiate responsibilities in our family life in order to allow me some of the same opportunities they had.  There was no easy answer to the division of labor and responsibility in our family, but that conversation opened the way for us to begin making small changes. 

All parents go through seasons of life when the large circle and the kids’ small circles require enormous amounts of time.  That’s necessary and reasonable.  But if we consistently feel empty—as if we’re dying inside—we owe it to ourselves, to our families, and to God to work toward a constructive, mutually workable solution that will free us to offer our gifts and love to the world with greater strength and passion.    

<prev | page 3 of 3 |

back to Articles